The High Court

Deep Thinkers Only...

Master Nuschler?  The Thrill’s middle name certainly seems like it belongs in Star Wars…

(AP)

 

Bat Masters

The Jedi Council of Batsmen

 

This column is specifically designed for those who enjoy all things Star Wars, in conjunction with all things Baseball. Aside from the fact that these Major League warriors don’t actually reside in outer space and never convene atop a 200 story tower to discuss matters of the Republic, these 8 men are true Jedi Masters.

 

In order to be considered a member of this elite group one must meet the qualifications of a true Jedi Batsman. The qualifications are as follows:

 

· Must have command of the force, most often exhibited by a .300 career batting average

· Must be younger than Yoda by 855 years, in human terms this would be 45 yrs old.

· Midichlorean count must be above the Mendoza line

· Must have battled in at least one Clone War or Playoff series.

· Must have the ability to return laser fire with a light saber or handle John Smoltz when he’s on.

· Must have the ability to use mind tricks on the weak minded; most often exhibited by being named team captain.

· Must have patience

 

Automatic Disqualification:

· Has played for, considered playing for or would consider in the future playing for the Devil Rays.

· Has ever constructed a light saber with cork products.

 

In order to stay true to the Jedi Order we must rank each member:

 

#8: Will Clark: Most noted accomplishments: Batted a zillion in the 1991 National League Championship Series, survived an earthquake and Rick Rueschel as the staff ace.

#7: Don Mattingly: Most noted accomplishments: Career ba of .307, batted over .324 and drove in over 100 from 1984-1987 and he never succumbed to the dark side during his tenure under Sith leadership. 

#6: Edgar Martinez: Most noted accomplishments: Batted .300 vs. both lefties and righties while doing so with speed comparable to C-3PO’s.

#5: Ichiro Suzuki: Most noted accomplishments: Career ba of .339, and single season hits record. Also, struck out less than Lando Calrissian at a Cloud City nightclub during 2004 season.

#4: Alex Rodriguez: Most noted accomplishments: Hit over 40 home runs and drove in over 100 in 6 consecutive seasons while displaying Jedi reflexes by avoiding death at short stop behind the Texas Rangers starting pitching.

#3:  Todd Helton: Most noted accomplishments: Career ba of .339 and 6 consecutive years of 30 plus homers, and was able to succeed under Don Baylor, which proves he is able to overcome any obstacle.

#2: Albert Pujols: Most noted accomplishments: Career .333 batting average; batted a zillion in 2004 World Series; also exhibited Jedi like patience by dealing with a pitching staff headed up by a guy named Woody.

 

Jedi Master and Yoda of all Batsmen

 

Barry Bonds: Most noted accomplishments: Third all time in home runs and a .300 career average. Once hit a ball off Troy Percival that reached The Degaba System in under 3 parsecs. Once quoted as saying: “When 900 home runs you reach, look as good you will not”

 

May the Farce be with you……………………..

Love him or hate him...steroids or not… This is how you hit the baseball…

(espn.com)